Believing in Faith and the act of Faith.

While I linger in the forest of my mind, I kept looking for answers. I seek answers, not from him, but from God. The question isn't anything much to someone else, but it means a lot to me; if I wasn't meant for him, why would You allow my heart to falter for him? While my flawed, selfish being creates principles by logic and from emotions, why do You still allow me to make space and leave a soft spot for him?

So I prayed in silence just to know the answer, to find clues and piece the puzzle. Day by day I refuse to recall what it feels like to have loved him when he didn't deserve my affection without totally abandoning him. While he talks about his passion and happiness, dedication and failure, he shared a part of him to me and I unraveled him more. I began to understand the kind of man he is and accept him as a singularity, as a person I realise I cannot live without.

But years passed and while I burn the hours of my day trying to figure this out, God introduced me to an epiphany of a sort; I am already living without him. God has plans to send him away from me, so I can live and be euphoric without him. While these days linger between wanting him and already losing him, I tilt towards forgetting him altogether. And while I still keep the goodness of his heart in mine, He tries to show me that instead of keeping the idea of hatred and being hated, everyone has a sort of goodness in them.

Now, the hours slip past me and into my past, along with my sorrow of his absence. Let him be absent, let him be. I shall meet someone who deserves more, one who has as good a heart as he. For now, I won't fret about him anymore because I know, for sure, that I have lost him as much as he has lost his faith in God.

And while I sound as foolishly pious to some of you who are reading this, I assure that I am as folly as you. I am flawed and I need God, while you are flawed and you turn a different direction. But I respect you, even if you despise my faith, because if I respect no one then I won't respect myself.

Just as he spoke about faith; he has none left. I scour my soul day and night, falling into the hands of sin and finding ways to repent; the cycle continues. But I never doubt God; for He never doubted me; and the faithless man has given me a true answer.